Girl Talk: How to Heal a Broken Heart

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Hi everyone,

Heartbreak – it’s one of those unavoidable life experiences that everyone goes through at one point or another.  As much as we all wish life could be a smooth, easy ride, the reality is that we’re bound to get some bumps and bruises along the way.  If any of you are going through heartache right now, know this – the hurt you are feeling now will pass and eventually help you grow into the strong, confident women you are destined to be.  Think about it this way: if we didn’t experience any pain, we would never grow or learn.  Through every heartbreak comes growth, a better understanding of yourself, and the realization that you are stronger than you know.  Remember – at the end of even the darkest night is a beautiful sunrise :)

Today, I wanted to share some advice on what to do when you go through heartbreak.  Whether it’s your first time or if you’ve experienced it before, it can still catch you off guard and leave you feeling helpless and lost.  Hopefully, these tips below will help make the process a bit easier…

1.) Let yourself grieve: Sometimes, heartbreak can catch you completely off guard.  Your brain will try to understand what just happened and you’ll experience shock, denial, anger and more.  The important lesson here is to give your heart time to grieve.  It might seem easier to just brush it off and act like everything is fine, but eventually, it will come back to you full force.  It’s better to accept it and allow yourself to cry and grieve right after it happens.  There is nothing shameful about it; in fact, crying is said to release stress hormones and toxins from the body. Don’t be afraid to let it all out and face your hurt face-on.  It will be better for your healing in the long run.

2.) Don’t be a hermit: The last thing you may want to do while you’re hurting is to socialize or be around people.  However, I promise you that the one thing that will make you feel better during this dark period is to surround yourself with your friends and loved ones.  When you are alone, it’s easy to let yourself replay every moment or wallow further and further into your sadness.  Yes, you deserve time to grieve.  But after awhile, you need to take a deep breath, dust yourself off and return to the world.  Your friends are an amazing support system and will help lift you up when you are down. And, by spending time with your besties, it will take your focus off your heart as it repairs itself.

3.) Banish the blame: After getting your heart broken, it can be easy to resort to playing the “blame game”.  You try to find any and every reason for why your relationship ended, and either end up blaming yourself or blaming your significant other.  This might help ease your hurt initially, but in the end it will do more harm than good.  Bitterness will replace your hurt and you will be left feeling even more lost than you did in the beginning.  There is no benefit in stewing in anger or blame – the only way you will ever heal is if you let go.  Don’t stay up late at night wondering “what if?” or “what did I do wrong?” – instead, hold onto the belief that if this relationship wasn’t meant to be, then there is something and someone so much better for you out there.  And if it is meant to be, then it will happen again…in it’s own time.

4.) Avoid cyber stalking: In this day and age, we have a whole new dimension to deal with when it comes to breakups and heartache – a little thing called the Internet.  Facebook was great when you were announcing that you were in a relationship and for posting cute couple pictures, but now that your relationship is over, it’s a toxic place that can really hinder you from moving on.  Think about how easy it is to stalk your ex, and how many steps back a simple status update or photo of him out with his friends can take you.  If you can’t bring yourself to de-friend him, I would recommend at least hiding his status updates from your newsfeed.  This goes for Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.  The internet is NOT your friend when you are going through heartache – instead of falling into the trap of looking through old photo albums, call up a friend and ask to go get coffee or go shopping.  The more you can avoid keeping tabs with your ex online, the easier (and quicker) it will be for you to move on.

5.) Pour yourself into something (not someone) new: You may have heard about the “rebound” relationship.  It’s the relationship that happens right after you experience a heartbreak and usually only exists so you don’t have to deal with your hurt.  Having someone new may temporarily help you feel better, but eventually you will either start comparing him to your previous partner or he may actually fall for you when all you wanted was a fling.  Either way, a rebound relationship doesn’t usually end well.  Instead of pouring yourself into someone new before your heart has had time to heal, why not pour yourself into something new? Find something you’ve always wanted to do – garden, start a blog, craft, the possibilities are endless – and put your time and energy into learning how to do it to the best of your ability.  Cultivate a new passion, and your heart will heal itself in the process.  You will wake up one day and realize that some time over the past few weeks, you’ve become really, truly happy again.  And that, subbies, is a truly invaluable life lesson.

I hope this advice for helpful for all of you.  Have you ever experienced a heartbreak? Tell me what other “Girl Talk” topics you want me to talk about in the comments!

<3 Mish

photo credit: Swami Stream

8 Comments

  1. huongbla says:

    It’s been almost a year and I still think of him every single day. I’ve tried everything you mentioned. In fact, I’m proud to say that I’ve been handling it well: no cyber stalk, no bothering texts/emails/calls, all energy on work/study/family/friend. However, one thing that I need to be honest: I still miss him and think of him a lot. We all heard of “knowing you love someone when they’re gone”. I hope he’s doing well, and happy. I believe one day my heart will fully heal and be happy again.

  2. Julia says:

    Thank you Michelle <3

  3. SKYLOVE says:

    A good girl topic would be – How to get along with girls! IDK why girls hate on each other so much. If there was a way for us to just support and encourage each other, it would be awesome.

  4. mgabrielachacin says:

    Thank you Mish.
    This past month was horrible. An unexpected break up came to me, and all the world came down to my shoulders. I think this would help me.
    I see you and Dom, being so perfect, loving each other, and i don’t feel jealous, actually that gives me hope, the feeling that someone better for me is waiting outhere, someone that wont hurt me the way he did, when i never expected that.
    Everything was so perfect… i thought he was the one. He made me fall in love with him so deeply, and he loved me back the same way. Everything was a lie.
    But i wont be afraid to love in the future, i need to live my life.
    Love you Michelle

    • jm0423a says:

      I am in the same situation as you! I even moved to a new city to be with him, and he decides he doesnt want a relationship anymore. The shock of the loss is the hardest part. Just understanding it’s gone…but my friend told me to look at the big picture. This is just a tiny dot on the rest of the experiences I will have in my life!

      Michelle, your article has been a lot more helpful than others I have read on Cosmo etc. Your advice was just what I needed. <3

  5. aggie says:

    This helped me out a lot when I was in the process of a break-up. Thanks Michelle :) Now I made my own version on my blog if you guys want to check it out ❤❤❤
    http://thesecretlifeofaggie.blogspot.com

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